Choices

A little more than two and a half months from now my maternity leave runs out. How fast the time has gone! No offense to my old job but I'd rather have teeth pulled. Dictated hours, sell 'this', sell 'that' by 'this' process, dealing with ornery people, and I could go on. I've been trying to get my brain to accept it and muster up some positive thinking, but with only minute success.

Since the idea of returning to work became a reality I've also been on the look out for alternative methods of employment - "something better". I tried FHTM, I've recently been approached by a friend on kicking up my Mary Kay selling, and I got a call from a shall-remain-unnamed person putting a bug in my ear to consider working for them. All of a sudden I have choices! Late last night when I should have been in the depths of slumber I was contemplating (stupid brain) and came up with these thoughts:

1. I am, or used to be, good at sales.

2. I love Mary Kay product and the products under FHTM - do I explore that path further?

3. Then again I hate being proactive and phoning people up. Hence my Mary Kay putting along just enough to fund my personal habit and FHTM being a flop. At least in a store people came to me.

4. The company I'm currently employed with is not a bad place; they've actually treated me quite well. It's just that they are a big company and the bottom line is earning as much money as possible and nothing else truely matters.

4. I ask for options, options come, am I just being picky?

5. All these options are along the same line!!!!!!!!! Is this my fate and I'm fighting it or what?

6. I don't want much, just the perfect job if I have to work at all.

Sorry to ramble. I wish I could just let this all go. Honestly, when I left for maternity leave last May I thought I was done with full time work forever. I felt/feel that I have done my part. I've stuck out work in a place that hasn't been my ideal for years. I did this to further benefit Trevor and me financially and so he could go to university to pursue his dream. I feel like now it's my turn. Oh wait, no, life doesn't work like that. Trevor does not have a full time job so....that pretty much puts me back in the seat of responsibility. (He can't sub in summer and no other part-time job will pay as well as my job)

I know, I know, "consider the big picture", "God knows best" blah, blah, blah. Perhaps my heart will agree one of these days.