Choices

A little more than two and a half months from now my maternity leave runs out. How fast the time has gone! No offense to my old job but I'd rather have teeth pulled. Dictated hours, sell 'this', sell 'that' by 'this' process, dealing with ornery people, and I could go on. I've been trying to get my brain to accept it and muster up some positive thinking, but with only minute success.

Since the idea of returning to work became a reality I've also been on the look out for alternative methods of employment - "something better". I tried FHTM, I've recently been approached by a friend on kicking up my Mary Kay selling, and I got a call from a shall-remain-unnamed person putting a bug in my ear to consider working for them. All of a sudden I have choices! Late last night when I should have been in the depths of slumber I was contemplating (stupid brain) and came up with these thoughts:

1. I am, or used to be, good at sales.

2. I love Mary Kay product and the products under FHTM - do I explore that path further?

3. Then again I hate being proactive and phoning people up. Hence my Mary Kay putting along just enough to fund my personal habit and FHTM being a flop. At least in a store people came to me.

4. The company I'm currently employed with is not a bad place; they've actually treated me quite well. It's just that they are a big company and the bottom line is earning as much money as possible and nothing else truely matters.

4. I ask for options, options come, am I just being picky?

5. All these options are along the same line!!!!!!!!! Is this my fate and I'm fighting it or what?

6. I don't want much, just the perfect job if I have to work at all.

Sorry to ramble. I wish I could just let this all go. Honestly, when I left for maternity leave last May I thought I was done with full time work forever. I felt/feel that I have done my part. I've stuck out work in a place that hasn't been my ideal for years. I did this to further benefit Trevor and me financially and so he could go to university to pursue his dream. I feel like now it's my turn. Oh wait, no, life doesn't work like that. Trevor does not have a full time job so....that pretty much puts me back in the seat of responsibility. (He can't sub in summer and no other part-time job will pay as well as my job)

I know, I know, "consider the big picture", "God knows best" blah, blah, blah. Perhaps my heart will agree one of these days.

Progress

It is the beginning of week 4 of 12 in my Body for Life journey. I was discussing the program with my mom and sister on Saturday night (we had a ladies night out, it was great!) and my sister stated that she could never eliminate the certain foods that the program encourages. It really hasn't been as hard for me as I thought it would. I am the type of person that has an extremely difficult time limiting myself to one or a little bit. When I taste one delectable cookie, heck, I end up devouring many more! For me it's best not to start. The crazy thing is, my 'palate' is starting to no longer crave the sweets and empty carbs the way it used to. Also, since I can only pack away so much food on Sunday, I'm more selective about what I cheat with. I choose only those things I really enjoy and then totally savor them. Oh yes I do! - and there is not one iota of guilt, how good can it get!

Overall program is going really well. My stomach seems less squishy and I feel pretty good. I did not cheat at all last week with my diet, however due to getting a cold I was only able to work out twice. I found yesterday a tough day to stay on track. I was tired and unmotivated and when I'm like that I tend to desire sugar more stongly. I sucessfully got through the day by telling myself no. If my body follows the same pattern as with previous times, I should start really noticing results by the end of this week.

The website is http://bodyforlife.com/success/goals/multichallenge.asp, explore the 'food and recipes' and 'exercise' sections in the top black bar. I personally think that this program can be modified to fit whoever wants to do it, I sure don't follow it to an exact T!

A Day in the Life of a Baby

1. Wake up early with a loud yell, then fall back to sleep

2. Poop three times

3. Fall forehead first onto a tile floor and get a goose-egg

4. Pull a plant off the shelf and get dirt everywhere.

5. Refuse to allow mom to go out of sight

6. Puke on mom's chair when no one's looking so she unknowingly sits in it!

(Sigh. I'm going to my mom's tonight - sans Sierra! It's the dad's turn.)

Giggles

Many fairies were born yesterday (see PeterPan). Sierra and I were playing peek-a-boo and she was giggling away. Baby giggles are the sweetest sound in the whole world and I couldn't get enough. Overall she has been in most delightful of moods the last two days; she was making up for her "bear" days earlier. I love her so much!

Oh Crappy Day

I woke up tired. That is not a good way to wake up for the day. The dumb part is that it was 9:30, so there was no real excuse to be tired. Trevor and I planned to run some errands and clean house. Here's what happened: Sierra woke up crabby, we received a discouraging email regarding our house plans, we scrambled around trying to figure out how to remedy that, Trevor decided he should help a friend with home reno's today (this same friend helped us out on something earlier this week so it was just kindly payback), and I got stuck with the errands myself.

Okay, I don't mind errands so much, the sun was shining and outings are good for Sierra, they distract her from her crabbiness. She decided to be uncharacteristic and cry all the way to Costco. I went in for milk and eggs but came out with milk, margarine and cereal. No eggs. Grrr, oh well, I can buy eggs another time. Then I had coffee with my mom, that was nice since someone else could amuse Sierra for a bit. I also made it in and out of ToysRUs without incident and mission accomplished: buy car seat.

We made it home, ate lunch and it was time for Sierra to nap. I intended to start on the cleaning while Sierra slept but my energy level just wasn't there. NO this isn't just a lame excuse to avoid the dreaded housework, I blame my cold. Sierra ran out of z's way too early and after waking up was happy for, oh, twenty minutes. Then she was Little Miss Crank (anybody remember the "Little Miss.." books?) . I could not put her down for anything. This carried on until 6:30pm, after I managed to eat my supper with Sierra in my lap and my plate in the middle of the table out of the reach of little hands. Then at long last it was time for the evening nap and now......quiet bliss! It's crazy how one small, grumpy baby can affect my mood so magnificently.

Baby Gourmet

I relented. I decided that I should make baby food for Sierra. This decision came from the fact that the food that is available for her stage (the earlier stages are too runny by now) in the organic PC is orange: carrots with peas and beans, squash, and sweet potatoes. Sierra has also been eating meat for about two weeks and those, too, are orange concoctions: turkey with sweet potatoes, chicken and vegetables (carrots and peas) beef and vegetables. Orange is good but my darling baby's skin is developing a faint orange hue. She gets fruit as well (which is mostly not orange) but the variety for that is also dwindling. Since I try to feed Sierra a mix of fruit and veggies there is always something orange in her bowl. If I were Sierra I'd be getting bored of my menu options, hence the cook off by her sympathetic parents.
This afteroon Trevor and I cooked up a baby smorg: green beans, broccoli, eggplant, avacado and apple sauce, banana and apple sauce, and blueberries and apple sauce. We made tons of apple sauce this past summer for this reason alone and now I'm finally using it! By the weekend the pears should be ripe so we'll mush those up. I also want whip up some mashed peas and cook up and shred some meat. Oh and I also ground up some oatmeal, barley and brown rice for cereal, I clued in to the fact that it will be way cheaper than buying those small boxes. Duh. Fun stuff. Not really. It made a huge mess and I won't say that it was easy. Maybe we did too many things at once? Sierra will eat well anyway - assuming she even likes it!

Highs and lows

Trevor, Sierra, and I had a really nice little jaunt up to Edmonton this weekend. We visited with two sets of long time friends. Friends that understand you a little better/differently than most because they've known you for so long. We shopped, because Lethbridge really sucks for shopping, and spent money we don't have. We drank wine, ate some very yummy home cooked meals, drank Starbucks and ate 1000-calories-a-bite Marble Slab Ice cream. We played games and laughed hysterically, and had some more serious, thought provoking conversations. We drove home yesterday feeling like we'd just been on vacation. It was great.
Than this morning I woke up with a small monster invading my throat and chest. I felt him lurking there all weekend and hoped he'd just go away, no such luck, the attack is on. It's not that bad, just not that good. I suppose I will have to temporarily suspend my exercising. It's a little hard to run or lift weights while coughing like a smoker! I can still follow the eating plan. You know, it never fails when I do this Body for Life plan: I'm all gung ho with nothing foreseen to get in the way and then something unplanned comes up, like getting sick. In the past it has discouraged me and I've quit, not this time.

A Long Time Goal

It's a cozy Saturday night and I've just finished a delectable meal of savoury salmon coated with a smoothy creamy sauce accompanied by whole wheat pasta draped in tangy tomato sauce and soggy salad. The soggy salad was yesterday's remnants and I ate it to get my veggies since eating veggies always makes me feel more healthy. I am also enjoying the last sips of a glass of crisp, fruity, sauvignon blanc wine. The Vancouver/Edmonton hockey game is progressing in the background, although there seems to be more fighting than playing. It is very intriguing how in hockey two grown man can beat the snot out of each other over school boy antics (he pushed me...) and we all cheer them on!

As a result of the relaxed, homey atmosphere as described above I am inspired to blog. Two weeks ago I embarked on a long time ambition of mine: to complete the twelve week Body for Life program.

*break* - the new McDonald's commercial with the mini-goalie, JC Petit, came on and I absolutely had to watch it. It is freaking hilarious! Anyway...

Body for Life is an exercise and eating program that makes more sense for me than any diet I've ever heard of. It doesn't require one to shell out weekly increments of hard earned money or buy special food or go to weigh-ins or count calories or anything that I personally find a nuisance. I realize that different things work for different people so this is not meant to be critical of those methods, they're just not for me. Body for Life prescribes 5-6 meals per day (one every 2-3hours) consisting of a portion of protein, a portion of carbs and at least one serving of veggies - when appropriate. (Carrots for breakfast have never been my thing) My favourite part about this is: you eat really well six days a week and then.....pig out and eat whatever you want on day seven! The thought behind this is that your body gets used to being fuelled by nutritious, well balanced meals throughout the week so that when it gets polluted with melt in your mouth sugary delights, or crunchy, salty oil-soaked fries and the like, it freaks out and wants to rid itself of the vile foreign substances as quickly as possible. Don't worry, it's not like you suddenly spend an hour in the bathroom or anything it's just that the body doesn't absorb as much, it just pushes the junk on through. Being able to have this "cheat" day ensures that I don't feel deprived of my favourite foods. There is some with-drawl at first of course but after about a month I actually tend to crave the tasteless veggies and dry meat and plain noodles or pototoes more than gooey chocolate chip cookies. Well, maybe not quite but I honestly do feel so much better with healthful eating. Even though my tongue salivates over the thought of rich, cold, ice cream my stomach prefers the above mentioned cardboard options. Despite popular belief - and my unappealing description - there are many ingenious ways one can create appeal in healthy food, for example the supper I just ate.

I know that I'm not fat, I have never though of myself as such. (Well, maybe there are days each month or so when a little gremlin gets inside my head and tells me otherwise but I've learned that this gremlin goes away.) Through the morphing process of pregnancy I gained 40+ pounds and got to the point where I practically couldn't move. Then I lost it but was left with a lovely area I've termed "my squish" in the mid-section. As a result I've developed a new appreciation for my body. My body went through all that and although it is marked by a few scars it has forgiven me and functions pretty much as it did before. Completing this 12 week plan has been a goal of mine for 9 years, I've been close to done twice, and half way about 5 times and started it 10 more. I think of it as a reward to my body for going through what it did with Sierra. The web sites, which I'll post later, show amazing results and I've always longed for that sort of transformation. With the feeling of awe of what my body can go through I've decided "why not this?"

I've been debating over whether to blog this or not. I'm afraid people will groan and say "not another one on a crazy diet!", or sit back with scepticism and doom me to fail, or roll their eyes and "think whatever for"? But this is not about others opinion, it's about me. Here I go, chronicling my escapade for all to read!

Bisphenal what?

There was a recent news release about the use of a product called bisphenal-A (BPA) in plastic products, namely baby bottles and sippy cups. A study showed that BPA was leaching into substances that were put in the containers and that BPA is apparently particularly bad for infants. One study said that it took high levels of heat to release BPA such as dishwashers, sterilizing, boiling water, microwaving etc. I also read about a study that claimed that leaching occurs at room temperature too. Have I been unknowingly poisoning my baby? That's of course the first thought that comes to mind. Then I also wondered if it was just another thing to cause a panic and not really substantiated. According to a nurse friend of mine Health Canada maintains that there is no need to panic.

"Health effects for any substance depend on the amount of exposure, and how that exposure occurs. Current data indicate that exposure to Bisphenol A is less than Health Canada's provisional tolerable daily intake (reference exposure level), including exposures resulting from food packaging materials, dental sealants and restorative materials. However, a re-assessment of those exposures will be conducted following receipt of any new information submitted by industry in response to the Government of Canada's Challenge. " Health Canada website.

So what do I do? If bottles and sippy cups are potentially dangerous than what about soothers, plastic tipped spoons, and many other plastic products? I don't want to give in to a "craze" but I think I might try to switch feeding containers and utensils just to be safe. It can't hurt and if they all of sudden decide that normal exposures are NOT of tolerable levels....

Sierra-isms

Just over eight months ago Sierra was born. What a wonderful eight months it has been! Sierra is a joy to have around and I love being a mom at home. Time zooms by with a baby because they change so quickly but it is great fun to be a part of.

Sierra now stands as much as possible. When we pull on her arms she stiffens and pushes those fat little legs and up she goes! When she's had enough of sitting she will grab my hands to stand up. We walk around with her a bit too but it's kind of like trying to walk with those walking dolls - a little awkward. Sierra is not crawling yet, she'll probably get up and walk one day and skip crawling. She has incredible reach now. It's really funny to watch her get things now when she's sitting, she puts one hand out to balance leans so far that her bum is off the floor. Sometimes she leans too far and ends up on her nose, then she gets downright mad and frustrated!

She is very vocal now. Various yells, squeels, whines and moans come out of her regularly. My favourite is the mamamama. I'm pretty sure she has now idea what she's saying but I feel special anyway!

Sierra has four teeth by now. Fortunately it has not been too unpleasant a process for us, or seemingly for her. She does have crabby, drooly days now and again. It's amusing to watch her explore the new sensation of teeth with her tongue and lips.

Eating is a breeze these days. She eats pretty much everything and anything. Cereal in the morning, veggies with meat and fruit at noon, veggies and fruit at supper (or some combination). I buy her organic PC food from Superstore, it's cheap and I don't even mind the taste. Once though, Trevor bought this mixed Heinz vegetable food for her and she gagged and cried and refused to eat it. Then I read the ingredient list: potatoes, carrots, parsnips, lentils - YUCK! We have just started feeding her bits of non pureed food. She devoured two soda crackers during lunch at Tony Roma's on Sunday. She takes big bite, pushes it with her tongue to her front teeth and chews. Then she works the bits around in her mouth until they are soft and swallows.

I am still breast feeding at morning and night but that is soon to pass. She has started biting me! Not fun. I think think the biting is because there is not much there. I have mixed feelings with stopping because it has been a special cuddle time between us. Sierra is not much of a cuddler normally. Then again with biting going on what's to enjoy? The complete freedom will be nice again. Sierra likes formula which is good, she drinks quite a bit of that with her meals too.

She made this face for the first time and all day yesterday. She looked so silly and we laughed each time. To quote Trevor "Baby's are funny!"

Life Inspired

I have had a great many wonderful, spritual moments lately. My soul is being reached deeply by God and what I feel is indescribable. In fact, I often have sat at my computer thinking I should write this down and I simply can't think of the words. Even now I stare at the screen wondering how to describe what I feel.
I feel free. I feel blessed. I feel loved. I feel fulfiled. I feel pure joy. I feel comfort; security. I feel "It is well with my soul."

Chasing Dreams

I've been contemplating my life lately. It started with Sierra and seeing how quickly time is passing with her. She is almost eight months old and that means less than four months until my maternity leave runs out. With Trevor not having a permanant job or a contract position it means that I will have to return to work full time. That reality is hitting me hard in a number of ways. I enjoy being an at-home mom more than I ever thought possible. I feel rested and spiritually whole and happy. Life has a new perspective and I don't believe that I can buy into all the pressures and brain washing of major company. (Of course Trevor could still get a contract....)
Anyway, this lead to me thinking about how to spend of the remaining four months. Sierra is on more of a schedule and there isn't the craziness of Christmas or anything. I realize that it's not like I'll have to work forever, once Trevor gets a job I will once again be at home but I want to make the most of now. I began thinking about all the things I wanted to be doing instead of working while I was working - my dreams for daily life.
1. Develop a closer relationship with God: I've joined a weekly women's Bible study which requires daily readings. I actually enjoy sermons. I look forward to our weekly care group sessions more than ever. I pray more.
2. Be in the best shape of my life: I have started towards many fitness goals in the last ten years and never completed one. Now I truely have the ability and the time and the motivation. Just do it already!
3. Keep a tidy house consistently: I have been doing pretty good at this.
4. Socialize more: This is hard. The people I know have been too busy and it is a HUGE effort for me to put myself out there and make new friends.
5. Take voice lessons: I haven't gone anywhere with this one yet but I've asked someone who to ask.
Those are a few for now and they'll keep me busy. My big dreams, well, they are rather unattainable right now but I'll continue to dream them!