My Past Week

What an interesting past week I've had, to say the least. We flew out to the west coast for me to be involved in a friend's wedding. As you all know, life is never simple or goes as planned and such was our little jaunt.

First of all, the day we arrived in my husband's hometown his mother came down with a wicked cold. She put up a gallant fight and wore a brave face but she did not get the enjoyment out of our visit that I know she was anticipating.

On Saturday morning, just as we were about to leave to drop me off for the wedding (I was a bridesmaid and therefore was required earlier for beautification process) Sierra threw up all over me. Sierra does not throw up. EVER. She barely spit up as a newborn! Here's what I figured it was: she'd been eating those little oranges that are kind of like mandarins but are smaller, I don't know what they are called, and there was at least a entire orange worth of whole pieces that came up. Apparently she forgot to chew and her little tummy didn't appreciate that. She spent the day sleeping and recovering with her sick grandma and was mostly herself by Sunday.

The wedding was an hour away from where we were staying, across the Canadian/US border in Bellingham, WA. Friday afternoon I had the lovely adventure of driving ALONE in an unfamiliar car, in a different country, and on roads where I had never been before. It's weird because it's not like the instant you cross the boarder the trees suddenly have eyes and arms, the language switches to Greek, and the people have horns; it's very much like Canada but somehow knowing it's a different country had me all freaked out. You have to understand that I abhor being in unfamiliar situations and this was the peak of being out of my comfort zone. I made it to my destination (backtracking twice because I second guessed my directionality) twenty minutes late and not even too frazzled; all in all I was proud of myself. I sure did enjoy that martini I had with my friend, the bride, upon my arrival though!

The wedding was a blast. I had so much fun despite knowing my daughter was sick and with grandparents she didn't know overly well. Since I knew she was in good hands I actually didn't think about her much at all! (Small twinge of guilt inserted here)

I won't bore you with oodles of pictures filled with people you don't know and an event you don't particularly care about but I had to include one of me and the bride. Aren't we purdy?

Anyway, the next two days were spent visiting and then we hopped back on a plane and came out of the clouds and rain of the coast into the sun and wind of the prairie.

Then I got the flu.
Blech!
Thanks Sierra. It was extremely kind of you to share.
(Remember that throwing up thing she did on Saturday because of the oranges? I'm not so sure it was the oranges)
I was useless for two days, tired for two more and now I feel mostly like myself.
Now Trevor has the flu.

Scattered

That about explains the state of my life and mind right now and so shall this post be!

• I am sick and tired of living in disorganization. Everything was 'put away' the first week but now it desperately needs to be arranged in a systematic manner than won't drive me crazy! It's not only the things that are causing my frazzledness (is that even a word?) but my budget is out of control, I have no idea what a menu plan is, my workouts have been non-existent..aaaggh! The list goes on.

• Trevor and I went to Calgary this past weekend without Sierra! *Gasp* It was a really nice get away to catch up with friends and spend a scandalous amount of money at the mall and then IKEA. (I'm not even exaggerating on the scandalous part, really, we did spend an atrocious number of dollars - but was it fun!)

• My schedule changed at work and of course that effects EVERYTHING! Mess with my routine and it all goes to heck.

• We got tickets to see The Tragically Hip in September and the new U2 album is out. I'm stoked about the concert but as for the album...I need to listen to it more first.

• I'm quite certain Sierra is testing out the waters of being two. I don't like it.

• Just for fun, some cute pictures of Sierra not acting two.

She seems to think her doll's bed is for sitting it.

Entranced by "Big Comfy Couch" while eating a granola bar.

• I'm out of the funk I was in a couple of weeks ago, which is very good, but now it is time to get some order back in life! I'm off to tackle some closets now!
  

Restaurant Rigamarole

I critically studied the family at the table just across from us. This particular family included the parents and two children probably around the ages of one and three. The kids were noisy and restless. They were bored and not wanting to sit still while waiting for their food. Mom and Dad were valiantly trying to entertain the kids but slowly loosing the battle as a loud wail erupted from the table and one of the kids took off across the restaurant.

“I don’t know why parents come to regular restaurants with kids that age,” I complained, “especially if they've got kids that rambunctious!”
“I agree,” Trevor said over mouthful of food. “Go to McDonald’s or somewhere that doesn’t require waiting.”

That was a possible situation Trevor and I would’ve been in a mere two years ago. Those are possible things we would have said.

A lot has changed.

On our way to a little family weekend get-a-way on Friday we stopped for supper at a restaurant. Sierra is a good natured, but busy, little girl. We’d been out and about all day and since we almost never go out to eat thought it would be a nice treat to officially start our weekend.

Several factors contributed to it being a trying experience:

1. Sierra didn’t have a lot of play time or run around time during the day.

2. She only had one nap when she normally has two.

3. Our food took 45 minutes to arrive after we’d eaten our appetizer. (a whole other story that got us a discount on our bill!)

Needless to say her patience wasn’t very high, nor was her willingness to sit. We endured an hour and a half of trying to placate our daughter and not disturb the other restaurant patrons. I fed her cookies, let her clean out my purse several times, took her outside to play in the gravel, and read books to her. By the time our food finally arrived (after I threatened to leave) there was no keeping Sierra sitting. So she did laps back and forth in our little section while we ate with one eye her. The food was a least good but we left feeling a little frazzled. As I sat in our vehicle when we drove out of town I distinctly remembered how I used to feel being on the other end of that scenario and thought that it would never be me with unruly kids in public place.

I ate those words and feelings for dessert.

What To Do...

I’ve been busy working full time for three months as of yesterday. Aside from bombarding my brain with the details and procedures of learning a new place and remembering how to be an optician after a year off it’s been a relatively stress free time. Then the other day I was asked if I knew anything of our September situation yet.

September???

But that’s…..,

wait a minute….,

ONLY THREE WEEKS AWAY!

There are way too many ‘if’s’ in our life to know how to go about planning for September. ‘If’ Trevor gets a job than the original plan was for me to work one to two days a week. “If” Trevor does not get a job than he has to be able to substitute teach. So we’re thinking he would be available three days a week and I would work three days a week. Both of these scenarios require minimal child care for Sierra. One day a week is all I’m looking at – that’s not much, easy right?

I wish! I have absolutely no idea who will look after Sierra. I don’t know who to ask or where to look. I also am not willing to leave my precious daughter with just anyone. Day homes often won’t agree to one day a week. There are too many people needing full-time day care for them to do that. Then there's the issue of cost. I'm willing to pay someone to watch Sierra but then how much is it and is it worth going to work to pay for some else to be with my child?

‘If ‘ Trevor is able to get a full-time job (the ideal and desperately prayed for scenario) than I would even seriously consider not working except for a few Saturdays or the odd Thursday evening. That I can deal with. It’s the subbing situation that has me in knots. I need to work to ensure some consistent income. Trevor needs to sub to stay active and known in the school system to improve his chances when permanent positions come up. Sierra needs someone to care for her on the days we both work.

Being a mom brings such heartache sometimes.

Home Alone

Late last week Trevor got this e-mail from his brother, Brian, begging for a week of help at work. He’s an electrician who has his own business and his current job is wiring a huge dental office. The job is quite near completion but apparently the contractor is so awful that Brian just wanted to get this job over and done with. Problem: he lives on the coast, a day's drive from here.

So he flew Trevor and Sierra out yesterday and is paying Trevor’s expenses and a wage. Meanwhile, Trevor’s mother – who also lives out west - is in her glory babysitting Sierra.

This scenario has left me home alone.

Sigh.

It’s feels weird, actually. For fourteen months I’ve come home to my little Sierra and I’ve gotten quite used to it. I love her grin when I come home from work and feeling her soft little body in my arms. I know I left her to go to Disneyland back in April but is it different when you're the one who does the leaving.

Yesterday it simply felt like an evening to myself.

Today I wanted them back.

I know the week will be over before I know it and I’m trying to enjoy this quiet time while I can.

Optimism

God always has a knack of speaking to me when I try and wallow in self-pity. The music in church this morning focused on admitting our weaknesses as humans and acknowledging God’s power. The sermon this morning was on hope. It was a really good message. Even through all my rumblings I knew/know my life is pretty good but hearing the pastor’s words helped put things back into perspective. I feel kind of sheepish and put-in-my-place, but also renewed with a more positive attitude.

I’m taking iron pills now and I expect that to help with my energy level. A higher energy level tends to translate into a better mood all around.

I’ve had some sleep.

My mom and I are going to work on getting back into healthier eating which should also improve a variety of things.

Sierra’s been in a fantastic mood and just heaps of extra fun lately. I love her so much!

We had a great two days visiting friends in Calgary. Weddings are such happy events and feeling loved always contributes to a cheerful frame of mind.

I knew my depressing state wouldn’t last long, it generally doesn’t. I’m definitely on the up and up.

Early Morning Solitude

I'm sound asleep in dreamland when a persistent beeping and prodding husband bring my senses into consciousness. I roll over and smack the alarm off, almost smack my husband, and then curse being awake.

6:30a.m.

I should just roll over and get another hour in....

my eyes are so heavy....

the bed is so comfy....
but the wrath I would receive from Trevor for resetting the alarm and waking him again wins out and I fall out of bed.
After about fifteen minutes of stumbling around I'm actually able to keep my eyes open.
I dress, go upstairs, and open the back door to a deliciously crisp wave of fresh morning air. I go for about a half hour run/walk. My route so far has been along an irrigation canal that runs behind my parents’ house and along the south edge of the town. There's houses on one side and field on the other. I hardly ever encounter anyone else.
It's peaceful. I breathe deeply and enjoy.
I return invigorated.
Lately I've been feeling a bit smothered. I work around people all day, come home to a husband who's mostly been alone all day and wants my company, and an adorable little girl also starving for my attention. I'm not really complaining because I like work and love my family but there comes a point when some "me" time is necessary to maintain my sanity. The only time of day that is possible is the early morning.

If only it didn’t involve the “early” part.

Attack of the Killer Bee!

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon, the sun was shining and the air was warm. We were in Calgary catching up with some old friends. Not old as in age, I wouldn't want to be insulting, but old as in known each other for a number of years. Trevor and Corey were outside on the deck, Trevor was admiring Corey's handy work with building the deck. Then a large bee starts buzzing around. Trevor is oblivious to it but Corey notices it.

Corey is thinking to himself,

"Maybe I should shoo that creature away...nah, don't want to make it mad."

He does nothing.

The two men are just leaning against the railing, shooting the breeze when wham! The crazy bee decides that it would be good time to commit suicide and sting Trevor on the wrist. Of course it hurt, bee stings do. Trevor comes inside, applies some 'Afterbite' and attempts to get some sympathy from me. He has been stung on numerous occasions and beyond the 'stinging' sensation nothing ever comes of them. Mosquito bites, on the other hand, cause him to grow this enormous welt which he proceeds to scratch until he goes crazy and the bite turns into a bloody mess.

Anyway, we go on with our visit and drive home that evening. No problem.

Trevor gets up Monday morning and goes to work. No problem.

By mid-morning his wrist, hand and arm half-way to his elbow have swollen up. By early Tuesday afternoon the state of his arm and hand had become much worse. Trevor was quite worried. His hand looked like a cartoon character's hand when they blow it up, like a balloon. It actually looked quite funny despite the situation.

Trevor went to the doctor and when the nurse took one look at him they hustled him in within ten minutes. (You know it's serious when...) His doctor, a good-natured, laid-back guy, was immediately concerned. It's not everyday he sees a balloon hand! He quickly diagnosed the likelihood that the stinger stayed inside Trevor and the swelling was the body's reaction to the foreign object. He froze Trevor's hand and cut the sting site open and rooted around in Trevor's wrist with a little claw-like instrument in attempt to extract the stinger. Bee stingers are small so the doc couldn't tell if he was successful or not and it was possible that his body had already absorbed it.

The doctor bandaged Trevor up and sent him on his way. Trevor left armed with a couple of prescriptions and strict instructions to go straight to the hospital if he experienced any sign of a fever because that would indicate blood poisoning!

Blood Poisoning!

That's bad.

It was just a little old bee sting!

Scary!

Fortunately there was no midnight trip to emerg. and by morning Trevor's hand was almost back to standard size.

Who would've thought?

Breaking Confidentiality

I have good reason to suspect that someone I respected and trusted has blabbed about something that I specifically requested them not to. This person doesn't even really know anything about what I said. I'm on a quest to find out what was all revealed and who all knows without encouraging gossip - which is likely what created this situation in the first place. Why do people do things like this? It disappoints me very much.

Go. Go. Go.

Why or why do I toss and turn night after night in a fitful form of sleep? My brain refuses to shut off! Choir songs go round and round, scenarios of this and that replay themselves or get made up, legs and arms twitch and flail as if itching to still be moving. Day time my body is sluggish and slow and my mind is foggy, but both keep going constantly, almost as if I'm on autopilot. I believe this is because there is way too much going on right now and I haven't taken time to relax and unwind and collect myself. I'm going to have to remedy that soon or I'll go insane!

A Twist

Life is interesting. Last week I ranted about my stresses. I also lamented that there was really nothing I could do about any of it. Why was I worrying then? Deep down I knew it would all work out, but my head wasn't grasping it. Today I feel my mind catching up. Here's the scoop:

Monday afternoon Trevor got scheduled for an interview for a 3 month temporary teaching position, this will take place on the 17th. Then between 5:15 - 5:45p.m. the same day Trevor got called for six subbing jobs over this week and next. (Before that he had only one day booked for this week). Today ended up being his only free day this week...well the phone rang at 7:40a.m. for work! Also, on Monday and Tuesday, while he was at his favourite school (Lethbridge Christian) the kids kept asking him if was going to be the new grade six teacher next year???? There will be a position but nothing has been said about it yet. Then, no I'm not done yet, Trevor called me today and said that his boss from his job of last summer and fall desperately needs people so he can work there when he's not teaching!

I'm pretty sure God was sitting back with a smirk on his face last week and watching me stew down here. Then he decided to stir things up in one area and start proving my heart right - that everything would work out. He didn't just do a little bit he went all out. Now he's laughing. I'm laughing. It really is ridiculous how I worry and let things affect me so much. I know it's just human but I also know that God's in control.

.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Oh Crappy Day

I woke up tired. That is not a good way to wake up for the day. The dumb part is that it was 9:30, so there was no real excuse to be tired. Trevor and I planned to run some errands and clean house. Here's what happened: Sierra woke up crabby, we received a discouraging email regarding our house plans, we scrambled around trying to figure out how to remedy that, Trevor decided he should help a friend with home reno's today (this same friend helped us out on something earlier this week so it was just kindly payback), and I got stuck with the errands myself.

Okay, I don't mind errands so much, the sun was shining and outings are good for Sierra, they distract her from her crabbiness. She decided to be uncharacteristic and cry all the way to Costco. I went in for milk and eggs but came out with milk, margarine and cereal. No eggs. Grrr, oh well, I can buy eggs another time. Then I had coffee with my mom, that was nice since someone else could amuse Sierra for a bit. I also made it in and out of ToysRUs without incident and mission accomplished: buy car seat.

We made it home, ate lunch and it was time for Sierra to nap. I intended to start on the cleaning while Sierra slept but my energy level just wasn't there. NO this isn't just a lame excuse to avoid the dreaded housework, I blame my cold. Sierra ran out of z's way too early and after waking up was happy for, oh, twenty minutes. Then she was Little Miss Crank (anybody remember the "Little Miss.." books?) . I could not put her down for anything. This carried on until 6:30pm, after I managed to eat my supper with Sierra in my lap and my plate in the middle of the table out of the reach of little hands. Then at long last it was time for the evening nap and now......quiet bliss! It's crazy how one small, grumpy baby can affect my mood so magnificently.

Out on the town

You know you're a stay-at-home mom when:
1. You go to the mall to hang out with the people you used to work with, not to shop
2. Date night is a trip to Toys R Us, Superstore, and Walmart and eating at McDonald's, baby included on that trip.
3. It's more fun buying baby clothes than your own.
Ha, it's all good. I'm feeling happy again, no more moping. I also have a clean house and that always helps me to feel like I've accomplished something.

The Beginning

So I finally have gotten around to opening up my own blog. Here's a glimpse of my mind's musings, enjoy!

Lately I've been rather discontented. I'm tired of my hair, my clothes, the way my house is decorated, my house itself, the idea of going back to work, and the list goes on. I want to change
everything. The problem is, I'm not really sure how I'd change things. I was explaining this unsatisfation to my mom and she said that it is likely because I thrive on accomplishment. I feel bad when I'm unproductive. Most of my week days are uneventful because I'm caring for Sierra. She only naps for an hour or so at a time and needs constant attention when she's awake. I love her to bits and enjoy playing with but I feel like I should be keeping the house clean, laundry up to date, groceries stocked, and make supper every day. Trevor has never made me feel bad for my lack of productivity or even said that he expects these things. In a way I think that it's only fair since he is the one earning a living.
Then I sit back and really look at all I have and do and I don't feel so bad.