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As you know, I've struggled mightily with Trevor getting a job and with our financial stability (or lack there-of) I've taken it upon myself to worry and plan and attempt to control the situation. I didn't do this everyday but here and there the panic would creep in and I'd begin to fret again. This past weekend I felt God urging me to fast and pray on Monday in order to gain some perspective and peace on this issue. I did just that and here are some of the thoughts that came to mind:
What is there that I can control?
Can I create jobs?
No.
Can I make Trevor's resume jump out at those reading it?
No.
Can I instill an infectious aura into Trevor that forces someone to feel that they need to hire him?
No.
Can I make other teachers sick or formulate meetings so subs are needed?
No.
Can put Trevor on top of the list so he's called first when subs are needed?
No.
So....why try to? Why concern myself with all that - and more?
Than I thought back on my life and realized a few more things, again. (I've had to go through this before) Has God ever not followed through for us?
No.
Are we starving?
Not.
Are we dressed shabbily?
No.
Has our housing ever been inadequate?
No.
Have we ever had a $0 bank account?
No.
Do we still have more than enough?
YES!!
I could go on. The fact is, we are extremely fortunate. This crazy society puts forth a belief that we always need more. Like the fancy new fridges and stoves that are out (see previous post). Fashion TV shows that imply $300 jeans will make my bum look better than the $40 ones. Cars that drive faster and look flashier are said to somehow better my life. Exotic trips to get away from life and relax. These, and of course the endless list of other 'things', might give me temporary pleasure but they get old and inferior as newer and better things are continually invented or designed, so we constantly want more. It's a vicious never ending cycle that can suck us deep into it's core if we let it, which is extremely easy to do.
I'm not saying that I should drive an old clunker car and live in a ramshackle apartment or dress in frumpy clothes. I'm saying that I needed to sit back and look at my entire life in it's whole. I hate wanting more all the time, I find all these wants insatiable. I desire(d) peace and contentment and to live with the faith and trust that everything will be okay; God will take care of me. I know all this but my heart needs to connect with the logic in my head again.
On Monday and since, a few cool things occurred.
A. I read Scripture in the Bible that strongly encourage faith. Hebrews 11 provides numerous Old Testament examples of people who trusted God and did so without the promise of heaven. I have that promise and yet minuscule faith in comparison. Reading it renewed and increased my believe that everything will turn out.
B. Trevor came home having secured several more subbing jobs for the week where he initially only had one. This is after he had phoned in the middle of the day saying that his low-paying-in-between job probably wouldn't have much work for him this week.
C. My mind worked through Trevor and work:
1. The right position hasn't come along yet.
2. Someone else may have needed a job more than him.
3. A student perhaps needed a different person to be their teacher.
4. A student or teacher may need him to be their sub at a certain time.
5. Maybe I or Sierra need him to only sub for now for unknown reasons.
There's also sorts of outlooks on this but overall I saw that it's not all about me/us; a whole world exists out there.
D. A job was posted yesterday for grade 8 science, and computers in the school in our town.
E. Peace has come, for now. It's so freeing. Unfortunately and sadly, it's so easy to get wrapped up in materialism and such an 'Earthly' life and I will likely succumb again. That's not meant pessimistically, but realistically. Maybe that insight will increase awareness and I can shake my head back into reality a little quicker next time.
What is there that I can control?
Can I create jobs?
No.
Can I make Trevor's resume jump out at those reading it?
No.
Can I instill an infectious aura into Trevor that forces someone to feel that they need to hire him?
No.
Can I make other teachers sick or formulate meetings so subs are needed?
No.
Can put Trevor on top of the list so he's called first when subs are needed?
No.
So....why try to? Why concern myself with all that - and more?
Than I thought back on my life and realized a few more things, again. (I've had to go through this before) Has God ever not followed through for us?
No.
Are we starving?
Not.
Are we dressed shabbily?
No.
Has our housing ever been inadequate?
No.
Have we ever had a $0 bank account?
No.
Do we still have more than enough?
YES!!
I could go on. The fact is, we are extremely fortunate. This crazy society puts forth a belief that we always need more. Like the fancy new fridges and stoves that are out (see previous post). Fashion TV shows that imply $300 jeans will make my bum look better than the $40 ones. Cars that drive faster and look flashier are said to somehow better my life. Exotic trips to get away from life and relax. These, and of course the endless list of other 'things', might give me temporary pleasure but they get old and inferior as newer and better things are continually invented or designed, so we constantly want more. It's a vicious never ending cycle that can suck us deep into it's core if we let it, which is extremely easy to do.
I'm not saying that I should drive an old clunker car and live in a ramshackle apartment or dress in frumpy clothes. I'm saying that I needed to sit back and look at my entire life in it's whole. I hate wanting more all the time, I find all these wants insatiable. I desire(d) peace and contentment and to live with the faith and trust that everything will be okay; God will take care of me. I know all this but my heart needs to connect with the logic in my head again.
On Monday and since, a few cool things occurred.
A. I read Scripture in the Bible that strongly encourage faith. Hebrews 11 provides numerous Old Testament examples of people who trusted God and did so without the promise of heaven. I have that promise and yet minuscule faith in comparison. Reading it renewed and increased my believe that everything will turn out.
B. Trevor came home having secured several more subbing jobs for the week where he initially only had one. This is after he had phoned in the middle of the day saying that his low-paying-in-between job probably wouldn't have much work for him this week.
C. My mind worked through Trevor and work:
1. The right position hasn't come along yet.
2. Someone else may have needed a job more than him.
3. A student perhaps needed a different person to be their teacher.
4. A student or teacher may need him to be their sub at a certain time.
5. Maybe I or Sierra need him to only sub for now for unknown reasons.
There's also sorts of outlooks on this but overall I saw that it's not all about me/us; a whole world exists out there.
D. A job was posted yesterday for grade 8 science, and computers in the school in our town.
E. Peace has come, for now. It's so freeing. Unfortunately and sadly, it's so easy to get wrapped up in materialism and such an 'Earthly' life and I will likely succumb again. That's not meant pessimistically, but realistically. Maybe that insight will increase awareness and I can shake my head back into reality a little quicker next time.
1 comment:
I don't even know what to say... I'm in such a positive mood lately but then i read these posts and i get all frustrated 'cause in my head all the words are flowing but then it's harder to write so... Hang on in there. Have faith! That's the main thing. Remain positive and positive things will come to you, really.. :)
I know how this sounds but it really is true :)
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