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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Lamenting

I’ve been in such an unpleasant state of mind lately. ‘Unpleasant’ is a nice way of putting it. Try as I may to subdue my mood I feel like I am spiraling downward and it has managed to manifest itself into physical attributes. My hair is standing on end, the claws and fangs have come out, and I seem to have developed a growl.

I need to vent:

1. I’m tired. I’m tired of being tired all the time. I regularly have good intentions of going to bed early yet somehow that never happens. This is in part due to Sierra having a late bed-time so my alone time with Trevor would get cut short. I’m so awful to be around lately so I should just save the poor man and go to bed! Going to bed early isn’t the only solution – not getting woken up at night would also really help the sleeping. If it’s not the cats fighting or one of them yowling for no reason it’s Trevor snoring! Or I’m hot. Or I’m cold. Or my back hurts. Or I have indigestion There seems to always be something.

  1. The novelty of work has worn off. I will still gladly say I don’t hate it, most of the time I would still use the word ‘like’. I almost cried Sunday night, all I want(ed) was to be a stay-at-home mom again. Work takes so much dang time and energy out of one’s day. Full-time work is definitely much harder with a child.
  2. I feel fat and bloated and unattractive. (That is such a girl thing!) Getting back into working has meant that exercise is lacking but the eating isn’t. You do the math. I have only gained maybe a couple of pounds and I know it’s more mental than anything. I try but the ‘tired’ part is making it feel like I'm climbing a mountain with no end.
  3. My chronic indigestion/heartburn is back. Stress, lack of exercise, and coffee are the instigators of that. This malady doesn’t help with the bloating department either. I feel yucky most evenings.
  4. Working full-time and having no holiday is contributing to me feeling gypped out of summer. I don't to do the delightful summer things like go the pool with Sierra.
  5. Sierra has turned into the worst and picky eater. She insist on eating most food by herself - what a disaster that is! - and only eats Arrowroot cookies, oatmeal, yogurt, and grilled cheese sandwiches. I worry that my child is malnourished and starving but I suppose she'll eat if she's hungry.
  6. I live with my parents in a dark basement. It is a nice basement but the whole idea of it…30years old and back at home!
  7. I can’t seem to make time for God. Likely - this is the main culprit of me turning into an animal.

Sorry to do this do you. I promise I won’t post again until I am cheerful. It’s a drag to feel this way so it can’t be any better to read about it! I know that my life is actually quite good and there are a lot of things going for me and I shouldn't feel like this.

But I do and I need to wallow for a bit.

4 comments:

adalex72 said...

I think its ok for you to feel like this, it is normal and its actually refreshing to be reading true feelings as opposed to someone's picture painted life. I hope it made you feel better to vent your feelings through your writing, it can put a lot of stuff in perspective.

Hope you feel better soon.

adalex72 said...

Hey, I gave you a blog award. Come check it out!

Carla said...

Thanks! I often wonder if readers prefer reading about the inner me or the more trivial things.

A New England Life said...

Hi Carla. Hopefully by now you're feeling a bit better. Being a young mom to a young child is exhausting and challenging at best. Know that how you feel is very normal and you are not alone, even if that's how you feel.

As for your daughter being picky, my oldest daughter is 15 and STILL extremely picky! And it STILL drives me crazy! Somehow they keep growing in spite of thier lack of nutrition though.

Your a good mom and you love your daughter. Things will work out. At least you have your parents to help you. Some women don't even have that.

Take care and try to enjoy the rest of the summer with your little girl : )

Sharon

 

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