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Friday, January 14, 2011

Losing It

I had a complete meltdown before eight o'clock this morning.  I yelled at my daughter, then told her off mostly because she was being a typical three year old, and finally went into my bathroom and bawled .  It was clearly not one of my finer moments.
I pleaded with God to give me strength, slapped myself on the cheeks, drank a vat of coffee and managed to pull myself together.  I gave Sierra a big hug and apologized and now peace and order (as much as can be with two kids!) is restored.
I think it's the weather (we've been plunged into a frigid, snowy freezer AGAIN!), or maybe it's post-Christmas let down, or it's sugar withdrawal from my change in eating habits, or that I'm going mental - whatever it is there's a battle going on around here that I feel like I'm loosing.

I need a break.
I'm not even sure what kind of break but I need something.  A trip to Mexico without kids, a trip to Disneyland with kids, a weekend to West Edmonton Mall with kids, a weekend in Banff without kids... I don't know.  A change from the monotony I call life would likely do me wonders.  No kids would be ideal so that I can get some sleep perhaps?  Sleep?  What the heck is that these days?  Well, I do get to sleep through the night so it's not the kind of exhaustion that comes with a newborn.  Lack of sleep is somewhat my own fault because we never go to bed early because I love the quiet of the evening so much.  When the days start rather early with no catch up days in between ever it starts to wear one down.  Perhaps it's not even sleep that I need to recharge me but some time alone.  Not a mere hour - which is rare as well - but a whole day.  Like that is ever going to happen!  In fact, a trip, sleep or time alone is as probable as the sun coming out from hibernation and heating up our temperatures to +30 degrees Celsius tomorrow.

*Deep sigh*

I know it's the weather.  It has to be the weather because my mom says people are feeling blah all over.  We've had some particularly hard winters these last few years and this year is no exception.  When the days don't get much warmer than -20 degrees Celsius for weeks on end cabin fever infects one pretty harshly.  It is hard to go anywhere or do anything, especially with little kids.  I've always liked winter and not totally minded the cold but after this year I may change my tune and join in my husband's threats of moving to Phoenix!

I'm totally venting and I feel a little better now that it's off of my chest.  It's the weekend in three hours and I've got plans.  Oh I have plans!

Oh and if you suddenly see a post of a lovely beach picture with us on it you'll know why!!!!

(I can dream can't I?)


Kindra aka "The Meal Planner" said...

Life is crazy when you are a mom. I totally feel you. I spent my morning picking up the never ending pile of toys and dealing with a 45 minute tantrum.

We need grace in abundance as moms, a never ending supply of patience and an attitude of servanthood. Lord you are stretching me.

Cam and Wendy Earl said...

haha I love that line Kindra "Lord you are stretching me".

I've been feeling the same way Carla. Cooped in the house, to cold to go anywhere. Children are restless and all over the place. Its taken everything in me not to pack up and spend the night at my Moms house just to sleep and be ALONE!!

Anonymous said...

Losing? Loosing? You decide.

Karen said...

I didn't know this was a spelling class :-) We all know what she meant regardless of how it was spelled.
Sorry to hear things are a bit stressful for you Carla. Hopefully the weather will warm up soon so you can get out and do some things outdoors or at least elsewhere with the kids.
Hang in there, Spring isn't far away.