Trouble with a Capital 'T'

 

 "Look what I can do!!"

 "Hmmmm, what can I get into here?"

"Oops!  Reached too far....Help!!!"

 

What a gleam in his eye!

Weight Watching

As I'm nearing the end of week four on Weight Watchers I am once again pondering how much effort this requires.  My mind is continually consumed by what I've eaten or what I can eat (or drink).  I am also constantly resisting the urge to cave in to the forbidden desires of my taste buds.

When I read that last I think to myself, "That is insane!  How can it be healthy to have food on one's mind all the time?  Obsessive much?"

I contemplate.

Here's what I've learned through having food constantly occupying my thoughts:

*I tend to eat when I'm tired and when I'm emotional.  I reached for the crackers or sweets or whatever is handy and generally not overly healthy.

* I often would eat absentmindedly and without really tasting the food.

* There are a lot of 'extras' in meals and snacks and drinks that add up fast - like butter, Parmesan cheese, salad dressing etc.

* I've really learned that not everything is worth the calories and  try to discern what is worthy of entering my mouth.  It is interesting for me to discover what things are kind of 'meh' yet scarfed down anyway without my even being aware of it!

*I've learned to taste and savour most food more, partly because I've lowered my portion sizes so there is less to enjoy and I want to make it last.

*Quantity is not everything, there is a lot to be said about quality of the food being eaten.  This past week, for example, I've stayed within Weight Watchers guidelines but the items I've chosen aren't the healthiest and so there has been no weight change.

*One has to really, deeply and truly want to embrace a weight loss/healthy lifestyle. In some ways I think that for it to be successful it sort of has to take over one's brain.  Otherwise life just gets away on you and before you know it.....

I used to wonder how people could 'let themselves' get heavier or gain weight, including myself.  With all the stresses and pressures of life and in the world how does one not?  Now I can see where it 'just happens' and ends up becoming a non-issue.  You have to really want it and work incredibly hard for it and then keep working in order to keep it - and sometimes that isn't even enough!    

At the same time eating is such a social activity and is meant to be enjoyed! What an incredibly tricky balance.

For now it's not driving me totally mental so I keep going - most days!

This Brings Tears To My Eyes

As I sit and brood over my morning coffee with Barney on in the background and 'dream' of days when I was not up before the sun on a regular basis - today having a particularly early start - I am put in my place as I scan Facebook and once again take notice of the posts being peppered with a certain touching story.  A 17 year old girl from our city and our church has done an incredibly selfless act.

Please take a moment to click on this link and read about Kaitlin's Wish, make sure you watch the new story video.

I don't know Kaitlin but she sure has affected me and made me think.

The Spewings Of My Mind

* I'm pretty sure I would die without caffeine these days.  I tried this morning and made it until nine o'clock before realizing there is no way I would make it through the day without it's artificial energy magic coursing through my veins.  At least I limit my caffeine (usually) intake to only one cup in the morning.
 

*I am nearing the end of week three on weight watchers and have lost three pounds.  I am thrilled.  I know three pounds doesn't sound like much but it's the first time the scale has gone down in six months and it's enough that I'm more-or-less comfortable in my clothes again.  The means that I am half way to goal number one.

*I started the workout program P90X this week.  Total butt kicking workouts that are not for the faint of heart, but I love them.  I believe doing this has really boosted my weight loss because as of Sunday I'd only lost 1 pound.  Exercise is addicting to me; it's a high that I keep wanting more of.  Oddly enough, though, I would curse up a blue streak if getting through the exercises didn't take all my breath.

*We are finally thawing out around here.  The Chinook winds blew with great enthusiasm yesterday.  They created havoc with blowing our mounds of snow around which resulted in some massive drifts and unpleasant driving conditions - but the temperatures reached 0!!! I don't believe I have truly felt warm for a month and I'm getting there as the ice chunks are falling off of me.

*I registered Sierra for fall pre-school this week.  First of all I can't believe they are taking registrations nine months in advance. Secondly, I am practically in denial that my girl is going to be old enough for school.  I've been seeing this year that she is ready for some sort of learning structure, being at home is getting boring for her (not to mention starting to drive me up the wall.)

*It's Friday night, my bowl of popcorn is ready and yes, buttered (there are some things I will not give up, diet or now diet!), the wine is chilling and my husband and TV await me.

Distinctly Canadian -Eh?

1. Smarties - candy covered chocolate - they're kind of like M&M's but flatter

2.  Ketchup flavoured chips

3.  We call winter hats 'toques' (pronounced toook)

4.  We use "eh" a lot in our conversations.

5.  French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy - called poutine.

6. Most of us have never heard of biscuits and gravy and most of us that have find them unappealing, especially as a breakfast item.  (We were in the US once on a service trip with our youth group and they made us biscuits and gravy one morning and not one of our group o f17 touched them much to the cooks' surprise and dismay, there were lots of leftovers.)

7.  I don't know anyone who calls Canadian Bacon Canadian Bacon.  It is called back bacon, or ham.

8.  Alcohol is generally much more expensive..

9. Cheezies - kind of like Cheetos...but not.

10. Iced tea that tastes nothing like cold tea sweetened with sugar.  It is made from a powder.

If I'm wrong about any of this let me know and feel free to add to it too!

Losing It

I had a complete meltdown before eight o'clock this morning.  I yelled at my daughter, then told her off mostly because she was being a typical three year old, and finally went into my bathroom and bawled .  It was clearly not one of my finer moments.

I pleaded with God to give me strength, slapped myself on the cheeks, drank a vat of coffee and managed to pull myself together.  I gave Sierra a big hug and apologized and now peace and order (as much as can be with two kids!) is restored.
I think it's the weather (we've been plunged into a frigid, snowy freezer AGAIN!), or maybe it's post-Christmas let down, or it's sugar withdrawal from my change in eating habits, or that I'm going mental - whatever it is there's a battle going on around here that I feel like I'm loosing.

I need a break.
I'm not even sure what kind of break but I need something.  A trip to Mexico without kids, a trip to Disneyland with kids, a weekend to West Edmonton Mall with kids, a weekend in Banff without kids... I don't know.  A change from the monotony I call life would likely do me wonders.  No kids would be ideal so that I can get some sleep perhaps?  Sleep?  What the heck is that these days?  Well, I do get to sleep through the night so it's not the kind of exhaustion that comes with a newborn.  Lack of sleep is somewhat my own fault because we never go to bed early because I love the quiet of the evening so much.  When the days start rather early with no catch up days in between ever it starts to wear one down.  Perhaps it's not even sleep that I need to recharge me but some time alone.  Not a mere hour - which is rare as well - but a whole day.  Like that is ever going to happen!  In fact, a trip, sleep or time alone is as probable as the sun coming out from hibernation and heating up our temperatures to +30 degrees Celsius tomorrow.

*Deep sigh*

I know it's the weather.  It has to be the weather because my mom says people are feeling blah all over.  We've had some particularly hard winters these last few years and this year is no exception.  When the days don't get much warmer than -20 degrees Celsius for weeks on end cabin fever infects one pretty harshly.  It is hard to go anywhere or do anything, especially with little kids.  I've always liked winter and not totally minded the cold but after this year I may change my tune and join in my husband's threats of moving to Phoenix!

I'm totally venting and I feel a little better now that it's off of my chest.  It's the weekend in three hours and I've got plans.  Oh I have plans!

Oh and if you suddenly see a post of a lovely beach picture with us on it you'll know why!!!!

(I can dream can't I?)

A Kid Moment....

Sierra says to me a week or so ago,

"Mommy, when you wrote on my Christmas presents you put 'To Sierra' - right?"

"That's right," I agreed absently as I was cleaning up the lunch mess.

There was a moment of silence as thinking whirred in her little brain.

"But Mommy, I'm three!! ! Next time you have to write 'Three Sierra', not 'Two Sierra'!"

I fell on the floor and howled for an hour and couldn't stop smirking the rest of the day.

Die(t)ing

Since Halloween, and then with the Christmas season following it, there has been an abundance of candy, chocolate, chips, cookies and other delicious treats gracing my counters and spilling out of the pantry.  I have no self-control so subsequently an ample amount of said goodies entered my mouth. Add the cessation of breast feeding Sawyer in early October where my calorie burning ability dropped considerably.  If you can even remotely do math you'll likely conclude that, yes, I gained a few pounds.  I'm only 3lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight but now 5lbs over the weight I reached just before summer.

I realize that overall I don't look bad at all or would even be considered overweight.  For the most part I'm okay with myself and Trevor has never said anything to me about my appearance other than "You look good!" type of comments (well, there's always exceptions but for the most part he's pretty complimentary).  With the increase of these few pounds my pants are at the uncomfortable-tug-on-them all day stage and I'm constantly rearranging my shirts to hide my imperfections the best I can.

Not only have I been partaking of the sugary delights but my daughter also has begun to think that the only thing to snack on is candy and chocolate or anything with sugar.  She is a beanpole and maybe 29 lbs so weight is not an issue for her - yet.  Being healthy is more of an issue.  But how can I expect her to eat good foods if I don't?

All the junk food has disappeared save a few items to used as a special treat.  My veggie drawer is full (yes, with veggies!) and I can officially say I am on a diet.  I have never used that word with myself, it's always been eating program or lifestyle or 'watching what I eat' but never 'diet'. That was always a taboo word in my vocabulary for some reason.  Well, it's a diet.  My mom and I are doing Weight Watchers together.  

My reasons for doing this are:

1. To back on track with being healthy.  I have acid-reflux and I definitely notice when my food intake is not good.  Exercise isn't really a problem for me.  I quite enjoy it and keeping it up is certainly a must.

2. I want to be a good example for my children.

3. I do want to loose some weight - at least enough that my clothes are comfortable again.  I don't want these extra 5lbs to be okay because after awhile another 5 might be acceptable and so on.

4.  We are most likely done having kids so my body is mine again so I might as well work for one I love!

Today is only day four and it is a lot of work to diet.  It is mind consuming and there are moments where all I want is to scarf down a cheeseburger and fries!  My goal is to persevere one day at a time and do my very best not to fall off the wagon.  Once I loose 6 lbs my reward will be dinner at The Keg!

Mmmm - steak!

Working

I dressed up yesterday.

I carefully applied makeup.

I did my hair.

I added some matching jewelry to finish off the look.

Then I went to work.

Other than my brain functioning overtime as it learned to operate in "work" mode again it truly felt like it has not been a year since I was last there.  My fingers and mind remembered and everything came quite naturally.  Mind you I came home with a headache....

The paid year off that my wonderful country allots for maternity leave was great.  I absolutely love being a stay-at-home mom and doing all the domestic tasks that go along with that job.  Alas, that year has come to an end and so have the bi-weekly cheques from the government and we kind of need the money. 

Me being at work part-time will be a good "break" for all of us.  With Sierra turning napless and winter forcing us to stay indoors I've been leaning a little more towards the stir-crazy state of mind.  The nature of her personality does not afford me the luxury of taking up many fun crafts or hobies to occupy my days. I have to keep busy other ways and they often have to involve her.  There are days where boredom sets in pretty heavily, not so much from nothing to do but from the mundane-ness of what we do.   With me working Sierra will get her stimulation from someone else and I will get some time away from my kids.  A friend with kids near my kids age will babysit on Mondays all day.  I will also be working Thursday evenings and every other Saturday and then Trevor will take over his Dad duties.

I am thankful that I don't have to work full-time, that I have great childcare and a job I like going to.