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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Funky

I've felt a little quiet lately. Not that there hasn't been anything going on but all my thoughts and feelings have been churning around and locked inside my head. Hence a bit of a funky mood.

This mood was triggered by a falling out with someone close to me. It was a very hurtful situation that I did not handle very well emotionally for the first number of days. Upon fully realizing that there was absolutely nothing I could do, I gave in to my faith and gave it up to God (why I fought it in the first place is beyond me, my humanness I suppose). Through His mercy and grace I was able to truly forgive and the weight around my shoulders and in my chest was lifted and joy was restored. There is still a lot we have to work through but now I believe we can go on.

Jobs and finances and so on are also heavily on my mind. With the state of teaching jobs in our part of the world Trevor and I have all but given up hope on him securing one. Other options are being explored but for some reason the teaching door has been closed to us. Last week I found out that a good friend of ours, also a wanna-be-teacher, just got phoned up and asked if she wanted a teaching job!!!! She just completed a year of maternity leave and had planned to simply sub this next year. She didn't even want to work full time, just enough to qualify her for another maternity leave! Last spring she had said that if God wanted her to work full time someone would have to call and offer her a job. Well.....it was a little hard to hear, to say the least. We are honestly happy for her, and not really jealous, per se of the job. Trevor wasn't qualified for this position anyway and would never had stood a chance.
Trevor and I are not even sure we want him to teach now. He is in a job where he is making money for someone else and earning mediocre pay himself and not 100% satisfied with that. We are thankful he likes it and works for good people and that he can come home and not have to continue working which a teaching jobs require. We are not in need financially but have no extra either. So why the heck are we even thinking of complaining? I don't mean to complain so much as really mull through our current place in life.

The questions are I have:
Is there more for Trevor in terms of occupation or are we to remain for awhile as we are? I can honestly say we are content overall.
Where is our turn? Our break? Do we even get one? Not that we even necessarily deserve it, we have a good life....
If it is not our turn or break or whatever than what are to learn? Are we to learn anything?
We feel so strongly that God lead us back to this area six years ago for Trevor to get his teaching degree and pursue teaching. God forced us to rely on Him time and time again and helped Trevor overcome obstacle after obstacle and continually affirmed our journey up until he graduated. So why does it feel like He's completely switching directions on us now?
Are we doing something wrong? Not praying enough, reading the Bible enough?
No, God is not like that.
We know moving wouldn't help, there are no teaching jobs anywhere.
So....What?

Ah, the battle of the mind. I could go on and talk in circles I'm sure and still be nowhere. The joys of life. As I said, we have a good life and we are content for the most part. We want to make sure we are maximizing it, though, and living according to the will of God. It would sure be nice if he would just write it on a piece of paper, or phone us up or something! It happened to my friend so it could happen to us....
I'll let you know if it does.




4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hear you, I'd love a break about now, instead I got told that if I want to work I have to go back full time or I do't have a job. It was agreed upon that I would go back 4 days... I'm going to start dropping off reseme's else where in the fall. And we're still working on the rental & have had pretty much no family time this summer.... so right there with you
sarah

Cam and Wendy Earl said...

Keep your chin up Carla. One day you'll look back and see how you were lead. (Sorry bout the long comment).
When we left Lethbridge we prayed long and hard about the choice. We felt strongly we should go, and we felt if we went I would be able to stay home with Carter. 1st we couldnt find a place to live that we could afford. 4 days before we were moving we found a place but it was over our budget. After mat leave I ended up going back to work. But it didnt matter, we were in Financial ruin. We relied heavily on my church to get through the last couple of months in Stettler. We prayed and prayed and prayed about what to do! Do we go to Calgary? Lethbridge? Somewhere new? Stay in Stettler? One morning I was on the couch feeling pretty down, and said a really earnest prayer. After it, (shortening this a bit) within an hour I had 4 job interviews in Calgary. I called Can to tell him my news and he was going to call me to say he felt pulled towards Calgary and to apply for the Calgary Fire Department! YAY Things must look up from here.... they didn't. We moved into my parents basement as Cam was on EI and I got a FT job. Cam had Carter all day and worked towards his goal. He didnt make it past the first step for the Fire Department... Now what? We were miserable at my parents.. my Dad was going through our things, and looking through our Bank statements. complaining that we were messy. (Trying to fit all our things + 3 people into 2 rooms, it was VERY hard to stay clean). After 7 months of being missrebale, Cam not finding ANYTHING for work I got feed up with my Dad and decided it was time to move!!! A couple weeks earlier a friend had mentioned a suite to me that was a very reasonable price. I thought it would have been rented but it wasnt. So we went and took a look. As we were looking around the place with the land lord, Cam asked if the garage was included because he has a ton of tools. Well one thing lead to the next and the landlords son-in-law was in the same field as Cam. We took the place, and Cam asked the his sons #! The next day he called, and by 11 am he had a job. Now, almost a year later Cam LOVES his job. Just last friday, he was given a HUGE raise and job security........ as a result, I get to stay home with my kids after mat leave (this is a HUGE secret, because of my job, but I figured you dont know anyone there to tell. We want to make sure our finances are ok before I tell them).
Im not trying to brag.... AT ALL!!!!!!!! But it has been 2 years...... since we left Lethbridge. 2 years of awfulness and putting our faith in God.
Moral of my story? Hang in there....

Anonymous said...

Maybe God called Trevor to get his teaching degree so he could be a missionary/teacher. There are many needs for teachers in different parts of the world. Praying for you guys :o)

Tammie said...

although you and i see very differently on the reasons why things happen, what we both can agree on is that you can control what you can control and you cant control what you cant.

i know its all very obvious and silly,but its a lesson ive had to learn over and over in my life. ive had to really find out what makes me happy, what i can realistically do about it, and do it and just know that the rest is out of my hands.
try not to stress about the stuff you cant control, it will just bring you down. :)

 

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