Connection

When my sweet little boy was first placed in my arms a myriad of emotions flooded my senses: - There was definitely love and adoration.

Relief that the pregnancy was over and that he looked like a normal baby.
Excitement that he was a boy.

What there wasn't was an instant connection. Yes, my cute little Sawyer came out of me and was a part of me and Trevor but at the same time he was somewhat of a stranger. Oh, we bonded as only mother and infant son can but I did not know who this boy was. He was just a precious baby who ate and slept. I was home so soon, tired beyond comprehension, and Sierra has such a strong personality and totally dominates the room she's in so Sawyer was basically ignored.

Now that Sawyer is two months old we are getting to know each other as his little personality shows through. He is generally a very content, mellow yet alert baby. However, he hates to be alone or have me out of my sight. He gets bored and needs a change of scenery from time to time or something to do. He loves to lay in his little chair and bat at his toys.


Sometimes he simply needs cuddles. We adore cuddles.


Sawyer has learned to voice his unhappiness with fairly instantaneous and loud cries. He knows that's what it takes to gain attention away from his noisy sister and mother's busyness!
He is quick to smile and respond to my voice and has begun cooing in the last week or so. Sawyer definitely knows his mom and dad and where home is. When we are somewhere unfamiliar Sawyer displays a keen sense of awareness by having a hard time relaxing and looking around at everything.
I looked at him the other day and suddenly felt that connection that I didn't even realize was missing until that moment.

This is my son, I love him and am in love with him.

Browned

Here's the picture! I'm quite liking it, unfortunately after only two washes it has already faded dramatically so my hair dresser will be hearing from me this week.

Clothes

I broke down and went shopping for a few articles of clothing today. I wasn't going to, I was determined to wait until the baby weight disappeared, but I couldn't keep going into my closet and cursing. Having unflattering, uncomfortable clothes is a constant, nasty reminder that I'm not the shape or weight I wish to be.

I am right smack dab in the middle of pregnancy and not pregnancy in terms of clothing options. My mat clothes fall off and hang on me in the most unflattering manner (can we say fer-um-py!) As for my pre-pregnancy clothes I have two pairs of lower rise jeans that I can wear but if I don't keep yanking them up my hips the unavoidable muffin tops are especially atrocious. I had some cute, tighter fitting short-sleeved maternity tops that I had hoped would be okay post baby. They stretched out a little and would be reasonably nice except that my daughter in her obsession with chap-stick and lip gloss got it on nearly every one of those shirts and those grease-like stains do not come out!!! I have tried everything. The "biggest" reason none of my shirts fit right now is because of my boobs! Oh the joys of breast feeding! So I went to good old Superstore and bought three V-neck T-shirts in some lovely jewel tones for $8 each and and pair of cargo pants and a cute, knee-length skirt with a stretchy waist band.

I've lost 2 pounds in a week and a half which encourages me. Now with a few clothes that my self esteem should improve. Oh, I also had my hair coloured brunette the other day. I have never in my life been anything but blond. Wow is it taking getting used to. I quite like it though and once my keyboard is working on our other computer I'll have a picture for you!

Catching Up

Every evening at around nine o'clock Trevor and I are finally able collapse on our couch, Sierra in bed and Sawyer soon on his way if not already there too. Last night we looked at each other and I said, "Isn't it incredible how a whole day goes by and absolutely nothing gets accomplished and yet we are always doing something?"
"Yes, it is definitely more of an adjustment with two kids than I thought," replied Trevor. "When one is happy the other isn't and often both want/need something simultaneously."
Thus goeth our life. -
I feel like I have nothing interesting to blog about most days because nothing really happens. I also feel like I have no time and by that nine o'clock-couch-collapse the last thing I feel like doing is attempting to be witty on a computer.

Tuesday all afternoon, overnight and into Wednesday we were pummeled with a doozy of a spring snowstorm. We got well over a foot of heavy, wet snow complete with wind and a resulting power outage. The entire southern portion of our province was without electricity for varying lengths of time, we were out from about 5:30 A.M. Wednesday until 1:30 P.M. Most people stayed home and most business couldn't open. We hung out at my parents who have a wood burning fire place and a fancy BBQ that has a burner so we could cook. A housebound, powerless day had us all a bit "off": Sierra was squirrelly, Sawyer was owelly, and I turned into a bear. It was a weird day to say the least. It is amazing how dependent on electricity we are. Today the sun is shining brightly and everything is a huge sloppy mess.

Sierra is driving me up the wall and across the ceiling the last few days as she has decided she can't do anything without someone watching. i.e. getting dressed, going to the bathroom etc. That is especially convenient (insert sarcastic tone here) when Sawyer needs to eat or have his diaper changed.

On Monday I started a diet/exercise plan of sorts. I've got eleven pounds of baby weight left that needs to go and another 13 I just want to get rid of. It's a bit tricky with breast feeding because my body needs adequate calories and rest to keep producing milk so I can't go too crazy. The eating part is about keeping track of portions of starches, protein, milk, veggies, fat, and fruit. You pick your calorie goal per day and then the number of portions recommended in each category to attain that are listed. You pick what you fill those portions with. My caloric goal includes 5-6 portions of starches per day. With limited portions it is important to eat more filling, nutritious foods or else one goes hungry. The other great thing is that it doesn't limit what one eats just the portions. So if you know you are going out one evening, say to a movie, and plan on having popcorn than you can save your starches and fat portions to include that in your daily allotment. So far so good but it takes a lot of thinking at first. As for exercise...that takes even more planning and is about as easy to fit in a shower these days!

The NHL playoffs have officially begun so our TV will remain on every evening, especially during the first round. It's a fun exciting time of year but also nail biting and aggravating. It's the only time my ten -years-and-counting cross stitch project comes out because I need to do something to help deal with the tension.

Sawyer has started cooing and responding to us talking to him which is really fun. He often beams with enormous, wide mouth smiles for no reason. That makes it all the more worth it!

Choking

Sawyer's first night on this earth began with a very alarming incident. The evening nurse was in my room performing some routine checks when Sawyer coughed and began choking on mucus. It is a very common occurrence for newborns. The nurse calmly turned him on his side, patted him on his back and out came a lovely gob. She handed him to me and was doing something else when he choked again. I did what she did, turning Sawyer on his side and patting him on his back. Nothing came up and when the nurse asked if he was breathing I replied with a panicked "no!" She promptly hit some silent alarm and yelled "suction" as she was ripping open a package. Two other nurses came running in as the one already present got the suction going and managed to clear his airway.
I think I also stopped breathing during those few seconds. Needless to say I was on alert the rest of the night, I even had Sawyer sleeping on me on his side for the first few hours of the night. He had a couple more incidences at home over the next few days, once I even had to stick my finger in his mouth and scoop out the mucus. For his first week he slept beside our bed on his change table and I never hit deep sleep because I jumped at every sound he made out of paranoia. Thankfully this didn't last long and after a week he was in his own crib in his own room.

One morning last week I heard Sierra cough and make choking noises and, sure enough, when I looked over she was struggling for air. I ran over and she coughed and gagged and managed a laboured breath but did not resume normal breathing. I pounded her on her back and wracked my brain to try and remember what basic first aid training had taught me some mere months before. Also as I was pounding her I glanced at the TV stand and noticed a little claw clip of hers that I had just put there was now gone. Instinctively I told her to open her mouth and then stuck my finer down her throat and felt the clip. I manged to get it out on the second try. Once again I stopped breathing for those few seconds and my heart pounded the rest of the day.

God got some huge prayers of thanks with both of those incidences and I hug my children close every day.

Sawyer's Room

Since the room was originally the office it wasn't painted a very "baby" colour. Liking the colour anyway, we chose not to change it but to work with it instead. We'll give him a more "boy" room when he transitions out of a crib and we need new bedding anyway! All the furniture was reused from when Sierra was a baby. There may be a couple of more touches for the walls but this is basically it!

The blanket my grandma quilted.