Why I'm Going Through This

I've had a particularly hard week emotionally (feels like I have extreme PMS constantly) and physically (the heartburn) and my two year old was especially "two" this morning so I felt that I needed to post a little reminder of why I'm doing this whole pregnancy thing! I look at my sweet girl and I know it is and it will all be worth it!

Butt Kicking

I decided this afternoon - while watching ten minutes of the 'Dr. Oz' show of all things which I never do but I was procrastinating and those ten minutes were somewhat interesting - that I've had enough. Not only have I had enough but it is time to do something about it.
I've been feeling like the grouch of the century and my mood has digressed to the point where I believe it doesn't even warrant me a can to live in! As I lamented earlier this week this has a lot to do with my pregnancy ailments.
Well, I'm tired of being tired and it is time to take charge and see if I can do something about it besides snap at my defenseless toddler, not so defenseless but no more deserving husband, and nap and feel lethargic and useless. Otherwise it will be an excruciating remaining four months for all who know me!
So what am I going to do?
I'm going to try and combat the heartburn/indigestion. I am going to do that by severely controlling my diet. I have a pretty good idea what causes the fiery burn and bloating that has me feeling like I'm twelve months pregnant so it's mostly a matter of avoiding those things.
Duh!
Not only am I going to avoid 'bad' foods but concentrate on replacing them with healthier choices. I'm normally quite a health nut but have fallen so completely off that wagon that I can't remember what it looks like anymore. I figure the effect will be compounding: by avoiding bad food my heartburn will vastly improve and I'll feel a million times better by simply not being in pain every night and able to sleep, and by adding good food my energy and motivation will climb to somewhat normal levels. Plus, eating healthy can do nothing but ensure that my inevitable weight increase isn't of mountainous proportions, especially since I think my body is starting to tell me to ease back on my current level of running.
It'll be hard to avoid the trigger foods but if I'm tempted all I have to do is remember writhing in bed until 3 am!

Pregnant Prose

I'm wearing sloppy, unattractive, comfy clothes (those of you who know me know that is rare)
The TV is on to amuse Sierra which I really try not to do.
It's cloudy and dreary out.
I'm drinking herbal tea. I'm not a tea person on a regular basis but I've chosen to avoid caffeine with this pregnancy and these days even decaf is too acidic for my temperamental stomach and this morning I need something - so as unsatisfying as it is, I'm having tea.
I've been awake for an hour and still feel like Oscar the Grouch has invaded.
And I have a long list of things I was really hoping to accomplish today.
(Oh, I've just added two frozen chocolate chip cookies to eat with my tea, things are improving a little)
The reason?
I've have had heartburn that rages like a forest fire that began about two weeks ago and loves to flare up at night when I need to sleep! There are some obvious triggers that encourage it but lately it doesn't seem to matter what I eat or drink. Eating soda crackers at 3 A.M. to try and ease the burn is not fun. (Tums which are all I'm allowed to take, are useless by the way). I have acid reflux anyway and am more susceptible to heartburn/indigestion as it is but pregnancy has just fueled it out of control.
I don't know what to do anymore aside from stop eating and that's not a recommended option!

I don't know why but I've been extremely self conscious of my pregnancy shape. I really popped out over the last couple of weeks and it's just so foreign from my normal appearance. I had to convince myself for an hour yesterday that the shirt I chose to wear to church looked okay!
Later on I put myself in check when I looked in the mirror and had the thought that I get to be pregnant. There are many woman that would trade me places in less than a heartbeat - some I even know. Although I would not say that I'm particularly enjoying pregnancy despite my best intentions, I will try to be grateful for it and complain as little as possible.

(Sierra just peed in her potty, the morning is improving!)

Now that you've listened to me gripe and type my way into a slightly better mood I need your help: name ideas for baby! Trevor and I seem to have a hard time agreeing on anything. In fact we're lucky we found Sierra. We have a one syllable, somewhat harsh last name that begins with a vowel so that does tend to limit things. So have fun, encourage others to stop by and offer their two bits as well - I know lots of people love the baby naming game. I certainly don't mind it but it's proving to be a challenge!

Back in the Day

I sat back and surveyed the room.
It really hadn't changed much. The kitchen had been remodeled, a large, flat screen TV occupied one corner, and some of the furniture had changed but it was still the same room.
I then studied the people. They really hadn't changed too much either. There was added maturity in each face -heck, fifteen years will do that! Each of us six now wore engagement and/or wedding rings which accounted for the six additional men occupying the room. Those same relationships also explained the six children under 3 that were constantly under foot and interrupting conversations.
Many of us hadn't seen each other in more than a year but that didn't seem to matter. We have a connection that only high school (and longer) chums can have. We went through a very memorable and formative portion of our lives together and know each other in a way no other friends will.
We were together celebrating the marriage of a dear friend, who'd secretly eloped in Jamaica in August. The wedding took place fifteen years to the day that she and her husband began dating. There were all sorts of religious and family reasons that prevented this union from taking place much earlier so we were all elated for them. They are truly a great couple and their love for each other is extremely apparent.
It was a happy occasion that brought us all together and renewed some wonderful memories. It was really neat how we could all more-or-less pick up again and continue the friendships despite being distanced by time, where we live, what we do, and the busyness of being grown-ups.
To old friends!

21

There's no doubting my condition now!

P's and B's (potty's and beds)

After a stress-free weekend filled with shopping south of the boarder (which will stress me out later when I pay the bills!) I decided that I'm not enough of an emotional basket case so I took on two more challenges that are surely going to drive me to drink!
I hauled up the free toddler bed we've had for a few months for Sierra. Trevor was perusing Kijiji one afternoon when he happened upon an ad giving away a toddler bed just as it was posted. He phoned and promptly drove out to get it before anyone else could have a chance. I want to give Sierra plenty of time to transition out of a crib before the baby arrives in hopes that she won't think the baby is stealing 'her' bed. Since it's a new month I decided I'd start now. She had a great time playing on the new 'widdow bed' but when I asked her if she wanted to sleep in it... she ran screaming to her crib and banged on it saying,
"no seep da widdow bed, my big bed!"
I guess it'll take a bit of warming up to this one.

My second endeavor: after a necessary few week break from the wonderful process of potty training I asked Sierra if she wanted to wear her panties again today and she said yes. We proceeded through our morning and I asked her a couple of times if she needed to go potty to which she firmly replied,
"Nope."
Then at around noon she suddenly said,
"wet my simmie!" (she was wearing her swimsuit, don't ask!) and immediately removed it, ran to her potty and peed!
Any more potty training this afternoon was ruined by two bouts of explosive diarrhea, no doubt the result of all the junk food she ingested this weekend thanks to Papa and Granny (they came with us on our weekend excursion). Needless to say we were a little afraid to let Sierra run around without the safety of a diaper.
I'll try again tomorrow.

Frayed

There must be something in the air these days because I've come across a surprising number of people who are overwhelmed with life. I include myself.
At first I blamed my out of control pregnancy hormones that are blasting my coping abilities out the window.
Then I looked deeper and realized there's a lot more to it that is burbling and gurgling and making me a giant crank.

1. We've been dealing with Trevor's inability to secure a teaching job for over two years now. It's been highs and low and ultimately one disappointment after another. I'd say we were old hats at this whole saga by now but it just hasn't gotten any easier. So many people say that he's a great teacher and that there has to be a job for him yada, yada yada. Well, where is it???????? The fact is, the economy sucks and there have been huge cutbacks. This translates to minimal job opportunities and huge competition for the ones that do pop up. A recent posting had 65 applicants.
At the end of this month Trevor will be working permanently (well a one year kind of deal) for the decal shop as a sort of production manager. He'll cease subbing for this school year. The pay will be decent and he enjoys it. The stability in schedule and income will be nice. We're not giving up on him being a teacher and he'll still apply for jobs as they come up (if?) . Couple me going on maternity leave sooner than later with all the randomness subbing includes this option makes the most sense. Am I at peace with this decision? No not entirely but it is what it is and it'll be good.

2. We've been going non-stop on house stuff for well over a year. Yes, I have a house I love and wouldn't change a thing but it sure is a taxing process. It really has been all encompassing. We might a get a bit of reprieve around the time the baby is born but the work isn't really ending any time soon.

3. Because of the house-building and job situation we have not had any significant time off in a very long time. My batteries are running very low, I need a vacation or something.

4. I have a two year old who, although extremely fun and enjoyable, is even more life dominating than everything else combined. And we're having another one?

5. As if the raging hormones aren't enough I also have had issues sleeping, lack of sleep is huge in affecting ones mental stability.

5. Then on top of all that - there are the other "normal" things that still exist. Church and church related activities such as choir, socializing, grocery shopping, cleaning etc.

Combine everything and you've got one very stressed out pregnant thirty two year old that isn't sure how to deal with it. All I know is that I will.