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Tuesday, August 4, 2009


As you all know, Trevor and I have struggled greatly over the last year with his lack of a permanant job. It has affected me particularly hard and I've been through a myriad of emotions and personal turmoil. I can't even fully explain why. It really wasn't about not being able to pay bills or eat or have any fun or what we could or could not have. Yes, we had to be careful with our finances but we were never in trouble. Heck we were even able to build a gorgeous house! I believe that it was more to do with the fact that we had plans for our life, gosh darn it! Trevor was to work full time as a teacher, and I was to work very part time mostly to get out of the house and less out of financial necessity. Yet those plans just weren't working out. Whatever the reason, I felt how I felt. Near the end of May, I think it was, I reached my breaking point and basically shattered. Everything had culminated and came exploding out. I ranted and raved to those close to me and I especially had it out with God.
I was done.
The worst day of my erupting emotions actually ended with one of the best talks Trevor and I had on the topic. We conversed in such a way that I felt like we really heard each other and took to heart what we were saying. We were able to express how we felt and not have it come across offensive or hurtful. We worked through our thoughts and feelings and came to the mutual conclusion that we would plan on Trevor substitute teaching for another year for now. If a job came up than there would be much jubilation but we would plan on him subbing. (although with our track record for plans...) He has had enough affirmation in his ability as a teacher from other teachers and students that for him to pursue another career just didn't make sense. The next day I was filled with a complete sense of peace and renewed vigor for life so I knew that for now the right decision was made.
Then a few weeks ago Trevor was given a job offer of a different sort. He's been working at a decal shop off and on for a couple of years and is full time for the summer. The owners openly acknowledged that production goes up significantly when Trevor is there and asked if he would consider committing to full time work for them in a management type role. They wanted him to sign on for one year and there would be a significant wage increase.
Talk about out of left field! Trevor wasn't surprised but I blindsided.
There was much more thought and discussion between the two of us and we were able to reach a unified conclusion. Despite the appealing fact that this opportunity would provide stability in several ways we didn't feel that was the direction God wanted. We agreed that Trevor should not give up teaching entirely to do this because that is still his first love and we're still hoping there is a job for him. To not sub at all would greatly reduce his chances at any possible positions. He came up with a counter offer of a three day a week option explaining that he wasn't quite ready to give up on teaching yet. The owners are currently contemplating it. It will come down to wage if they agree this is a viable option.
My first thought when this all came up was.
"Is God testing us or giving us an opportunity?"
How in the world does one discern that?
Prayer and the power of reasoning is how we came to our conclusion of the compromise offer. I've come to terms with this job issue and if the decal shop option falls through we will both be okay. We've made our decision and are hanging on to that certainty for now. Interestingly enough a few people have expressed feelings that we are close to concluding this job issue for good - by way of a teaching job. I want desperately to believe them but I've so hurt by this whole thing that for now I can only cling to what is certain. Anything more will be a huge bonus.

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