Deep

I fear this is going to be a long contemplative post as I am sitting in a Second Cup coffee shop, in Calgary, 

ALONE!!!
(well, as alone as one can get in a public coffee shop!)

I am waiting for Trevor while he has his RA doctor's appointment and then we are meeting up with friends for dinner.  This dinner is the sole purpose for me to even have made the trip with Trevor.  Okay, okay, and also the chance to be alone.  Away from my kids.

Here I sit, thoroughly enjoying my vanilla bean latte - sorry Starbucks, you don't hold a candle to Second Cup - and thinking about friends, my family, and my life.

My first thoughts run to my friends.  I love my friends.  My life is enriched and all the better for the many fabulous friends I have.  The word 'friend' encompasses a rather broad spectrum within its definition and that is a good thing because the uniqueness of each person and their relationship with me would never fit inside a little description box.
  We have many great friends both local and afar.  I often feel guilty and frustrated that I don't/can't keep in contact with them nearly as often as they cross my thoughts.  Facebook snooping doesn't count!  

As our kids are growing I've been mulling over the fact that I have a family.  
 We live as a dad, mom, and two kids.  

A family!     

I don't know why that seems so novel but it does.  Maybe because I feel like I still have to grow up, how can I possible be a mom?

Anyway, with that 'revelation' I feel the need to work on our family 'unit'.  

Trevor, Carla, Sierra, and Sawyer.  

We do so much with others that our little family hasn't had much of a chance to evolve as it's own entity.  When I was a kid I absolutely loved the family times and outings my parents would make for us.   I'm certain that has a large part in why we are still so close and enjoy spending time together.  So much of the days and weeks are spent as 'me and the kids' or 'Trevor and the kids' because of the annoying necessity of work and our attempts to minimize the need for paid childcare.  Our family is as large as it will be (unless God intervenes!) and I really want to cherish and enjoy each stage as our kids grow up.  Not that the number of kids should affect this desire but knowing how fast time is passing already and that I will never again experience certain stages really makes me personally not want to miss out on any moment I have with my little family.

Between friends and family and everything else the fullness of my life has just kept increasing.  Overall, this is a good thing.  We are blessed and happy and wouldn't change most of it.  This "fullness', however, has culminated in a stupidly busy life, oh, since January.  It has felt like every waking moment is filled with something and there has been very little time to 'just be'.  (sorry for all the quotation marks today)  

I'm not complaining I'm realizing. 

I have loved nearly every minute of our busyness and Trevor and I both thrive on an active social life.  

But.....

I suddenly was finding myself tired. 

At first I was blaming my going back to work, Trevor's RA, my kids, lack of sleep, the cat catching mice in the house at 3 A.M, the weeds that I've waged war on, the added work going on trips brings, or my ever-growing-never-shrinking-mile-long to-do list.  As you can see, objects of blame were not in short supply.  Then this little nagging voice inside was pestering me and hinting that maybe I was trying to do too many different things.  

I know it's only August but there is already a lot of humming around the fall/winter activities that are too quickly approaching.  I've had to dig into the recesses of my brain and face these thoughts that perhaps my life is a little too full.  I already said "no" to one of my usual involvements for this fall and there may be more "no"s before I feel in control.

I'm feeling a little stressed with the need to change and balance my life a little better.  I don't want to give up time with my friends, I want to concentrate a little more on our family 'unit', and we have an extended family we actually like, and Trevor and I need to keep our marriage strong and then there are activities, and, and, and....

 How do I achieve this balance?
How do I prioritize?
How do I keep everyone happy - especially us?