Ranting

I've expressed my frustration over finding childcare for my kids before but it came to a head recently.

I thought I had a great place lined up at the beginning of the month.  It was in town, with someone I knew of by name and has a pretty good reputation as a day-home provider.
Then....
Here it comes....
Then
I got an email asking if I'd had a chance to turn in my paperwork to the agency.  I had not as life has been     C R A Z Y and I was having trouble printing the forms.  I replied explaining this.  Within two days I received another email saying that other families got their paper work in before me and the spots were no longer open.
Huh?
  NOT ONCE did she mention that the spots were contingent upon my getting the paper work in, I assumed it was just a formality.  Nor did she mention that there was possible competition for the spots.  As far as I interpreted things it was a done deal.  

Obviously not.
I'm still wracking my brain how I could have missed that and am rather devastated.  Not so much about losing this particular day-home but that this childcare finding chore has been such a saga!  It brings about all the pity-party thoughts and emotions of how I wasn't even supposed to have to work yada yada yada.

So at the suggestion of this person I phoned the day-home agency who gave me a name of someone else in town.
Ok, good, I could breathe again.
I met with her all encouraged and optimistic.  I figured as long as she was nice and I had a good vibe this would be it. Yeah, she's all right but her fee system is ridiculous.  Well, for my schedule of one day a week that is.  She would charge me a monthly rate based on one full day a week for two kids.  If I go on holidays or my day falls on a stat than no break in costs.  Okay, I think I get that.  Most jobs get paid stats and the holiday thing kinda makes sense too.  Then again it is a home business (isn't it?) and most business owners don't get paid stats - like the optometrists who own my place of employment, or my dad when he had his own electrical company.   What really got me was that she takes three weeks off per year herself and still takes payment for those times without providing an optional person(s) to take over for her.  So I'd have to pay double on those days. She also charges a diaper fee for kids not potty trained which she so generously offered to wave since Sierra would only be half days in fall but I still have to pay for a full.

I can't afford this person.
I cried on my way to Walmart after this meeting.

Maybe I'm totally out to lunch on my child care expectations.  Even if this is reasonable I simply can't afford it.  If this is how it is I'm better off quitting work.

I get that operating a day home is a real job.  I admire those that do it because I sure couldn't.  If I was full time it or even worked a regular daily part-time schedule it would be easier.  My one day a week is kicking me in the butt and beating me while down.

A good friend recently agreed to take my kids for the summer so the next two months are taken care of.  I think my dad will watch Sierra in fall (it'll only be half a day with her in pre-school) so now I just have to find care for Sawyer.
At there is something in place for now.

But man am I FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!