Thoughts

It is a quiet Sunday morning in my home - yes I said quiet.  Sawyer is lethargic and feverish from what I am assuming is the result of his poor little mouth working on pushing out three molars. Trevor and Sierra went to church and I stayed home to cuddle my boy.  Now he's sleeping.

When Trevor and I embarked on the journey of marriage I was only 20 and he was 23.  The last thing on our minds was being parents.  For the first five years of wedded bliss the mere idea of us having a baby was my biggest nightmare.  I simply could not imagine being a mom and cheered monthly when proof that I was not pregnant presented itself.  I know we would have dealt with it if it had happened but I am super thankful that birth control worked accordingly.  I have never been the type of person that gravitates towards kids, babysat every chance I could, or longed for the day I could be a mom.

Trevor and I finally reached a point where we decided being parents would no longer be a nightmare, in fact we thought it would be kinda cool.   This life altering decision was made when I was almost 29 and he was 32 so not only did we finally feel mature, our life circumstances seemed to be as ideal as they were going to get.  We weren't given any time to change our mind because I got pregnant right away. 

Four and half years and two kids later I look at the toys cluttering my house, the crumbs littering the floor and the constant food and snot smears on my clothes and I wouldn't want any other life.  I am thankful on a daily basis that we were able to completely choose to have kids and when to have them.  I am so blessed for the kids we have.  Having the responsibility of being a parent is huge.  The immense love, joy, fun, aggravation, frustration, pain and even anger associated with raising kids is bigger than I could ever have imagined.  It's a good thing we were created with parenting instincts because there is no book or no person that can truly prepare a person for having children.

I am thinking these things because I just finished watching what Trevor calls one of my "train wreck" shows 'Teen Mom 2'.  It is a real life show about four (five?) teen moms and life with a baby.  This is the second series following them and the babies are now nearing a year old.  I think about how hard it was to have a baby at the age of 29 with an awesome husband and pretty stable life so I watch these girls and my mind whirls.